| hang on time |
[22 Feb 2006|09:35pm] |
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mood |
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 angry |
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music |
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shadows of a smile |
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A Car crash BOOM!! ppl dead...and my life is changed forever.....i'm shot into the air like bullet from a gun.....but i have no direction n were i'm going
drugs and drugies n drug dealers are my new friends... car seats n hotels are my shelter.
i awake to find my self in my bed with my dog
i have an empty feeling like i'm reaching out but no one is there to take my hand
what now?...what happends next?
along time ago i picked out a star to hold my every thing and a still look to my star for help and as long as i have my star i'll be ok.
i've let to mutch of my feelings show n now theres no one.. my feeling have only led me to be a weak person....i am not weak ....i need to man up......i cant be a man if i have nothing to be a man for.....
my green eyes have turnd grey...my smile has fadded away i am now an old man...i am now lost
my world has craked n thrown me out...i try n try to clinmb back into my world but it's very hard almost impossibel
my dog is looking at me...the man on the radio is telling me to hang on time and everything will be allrite...tomorow is another day...to feel like shit.....hang on time he keeps saying
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[18 Dec 2005|04:25pm] |
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A look back at 2005
40 questions about 2005.
1) Was 2005 a good year for you? yup
2) What was your favorite moment of the year? i can think of one
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? rite here rite now
4) Where were you when 2005 began? home alone i think
5) Who were you with? i said i was alone jeez man
6) Where will you be when 2005 ends? umm hell if i know
7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends? if i knew i would tell ya
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? huh?
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? yeah
10) Did you fall in love in 2005? yeah
11) If so who? pezz head
12) If yes, do they know? yeah
13) Are you still in love with them? yeah
14) You regret it? not at all
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? no
16) Did you make any new friends in 2005? umm nope
17) Who are your favorite new friends? i said i didnt make any new friends
18) What was your favorite month of 2005? that one month i drove up n down the 210 like every day
19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005? nope
20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005? no
21)Did you lose anyone close to you in 2005? mm.kindof
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year? na but i domiss pezz head
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? fire n the field or plains or something..squishy
24) What was your favorite song from 2005? uhh i duno
25) What was your favorite album from 2005? madcap laughs
26) How many concerts did you see in 2005? i duno
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? i duno
28) did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2005? not alot
29) did you do a lot of drugs in 2005? i was fat in the beging n i'm skinny now
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005? 1
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? yeah
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? i was told lots of lies
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? kindof
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? sort of not realy
36) How much money did you spend in 2005? alot
37) What was your proudest moment of 2005? umm i duno
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005? candies
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be? a few things
40) What are your plans for 2006? gain weight..make parents smile..spend lots of time with my main girl (grandma)
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| across the universe |
[04 Dec 2005|04:18pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
Are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Images of broken light
Which dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Sounds of laughter shades of earth
Are ringing through my open views
Inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love
Which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
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[03 Dec 2005|09:10pm] |
aloof...thats what i have become...i dont realy have a job
i have no girl
only like 3 or 4 friends
no social life
and i'm prety mutch meh
i realy wish i could actuly be like that
truth is i'm empty
i want a girl...i want compasion..i'm just not gonawine about it..it will come
and i would like to have friends that call me and want to hang out with me
well shit is still hitting the fan with family problems
the evil monkey that lives in the corner of my room is moving out with in a day so i'm gona use that to try to switch up my life...i want something new
i think it's about time for a change
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[08 Oct 2005|01:51am] |
well i dont write on this that mutch any more...i realy dont know why
i work now... i prety mutch work every singel day for 8 hours it sucks
unlocking old memories of a long forgoton time can sometimes feel good.
i now have a evil monkey that lives in the corner of my room....i pend prety mutch 24/7 with this evil monkey..this evil monkey has learnd things about me n my past that i have never told before...i just start talking and the evil monkey listens...i sometime get on the evil monkey's bad side so i give it room to breathe when it needs it.....i like this evil monkey staying in the corner of my room it's gona suck when it leaves i will no longer have my lil friend to talk to...it's starting to become like family to me....ect ect
my life rite now is a freez bee that got thrown on the roof just sitting there all alone feeling lost but one day you will find this freez bee only to throw it back on the roof agin......
well i guess i'll go sit with the evil monkey...later broke ass bitch
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[23 Sep 2005|11:13pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be,
The pains that are withheld for me,
I realize and I can see...
That suicide is painless,
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
The game of life is hard to play,
I'm going to loose it anyway,
The loosin' card I'll someday lay;
So this is all I have to say...
That suicide is painless,
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
The only way to win is cheat
And lay it down before I'm beat
And to another give my seat
For that's the only painless feat.
That suicide is painless,
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
And you can do the same thing if you please.
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[12 Aug 2005|05:00am] |
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mood |
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blank |
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music |
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pink floyd |
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colors are darker in the light now..i dont know what that means but it cant be a good sign
the world is differnt for me now
i want it to be foggy
i wana wake up one morning and it will be all foggy n i'll hear the church bell in the distance
my life is up in the air rite now and when it finaly comes back to the world
i have no idea were it will land
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| dog |
[20 Jul 2005|07:26pm] |
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mood |
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 relaxed |
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i have a puppy
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| sorry |
[18 Jul 2005|10:46am] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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smashing pumpkins |
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no words to speak
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| Emily |
[30 Jun 2005|03:06pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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syd barret |
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Emily tries but misunderstands, ah ooh
She often inclined to borrow somebody's dreams till tomorrow
There is no other day
Let's try it another way
You'll lose your mind and play
Free games for may
See Emily play
Soon after dark Emily cries, ah ooh
Gazing through trees in sorrow hardly a sound till tomorrow
There is no other day
Let's try it another way
You'll lose your mind and play
Free games for may
See Emily play
Put on a gown that touches the ground, ah ooh
Float on a river forever and ever, Emily
There is no other day
Let's try it another way
You'll lose your mind and play
Free games for may
See Emily play
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| update |
[22 Jun 2005|03:48pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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playing cards.
baby harry.
nikki.
nikki's family.
weed.
coffe been.
christmas bear.
big jon.
kelly.
king tut was awsome.
lots of eating.
cleaning my room.
trying to find my self agin.
remaining lost.
missing girl in slymar.
wanting moree tattoos.
theres ben some good time and theres ben the bad in the past few weeks..
my life dosent seem to be going anywere rite now it feels like i';m stuck..
trying to figure my self out and picking things about me to let go is hard, i split my self into 2 and i'm not to sure if i wana let go of my other half but just keeping the one half i'm liveing rite now seems more easyier to do and still i feel the other half re forming and trying to beak free agin...i need to figure my self out and make sure the desicions i make are the rite ones.......there are bad ppl in my life n there are good ppl in my life and why dose it seem i wana hang with the bad ones...the good ones are good ppl but they dont understand...well the whole point of this update is figureing out who you are is hella hard and maybe imposible......i wana draw...later
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| the truth about me...well kind of |
[11 Jun 2005|02:15am] |
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mood |
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sad/tired |
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Advanced Global Personality Test Results | Extraversion | |||||| | 23% | | Stability | |||||| | 23% | | Orderliness | |||| | 13% | | Altruism | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Interdependence | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Intellectual | |||||||||| | 36% | | Mystical | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Artistic | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Religious | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Hedonism | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Materialism | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Narcissism | |||||| | 30% | | Adventurousness | |||| | 16% | | Work ethic | || | 10% | | Self absorbed | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Conflict seeking | || | 10% | | Need to dominate | |||||| | 23% | | | Romantic | |||||||||||||||||||| | 83% | | Avoidant | || | 10% | | Anti-authority | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Wealth | |||||| | 23% | | Dependency | |||||||||||||||||||| | 83% | | Change averse | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Cautiousness | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Individuality | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Sexuality | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Peter pan complex | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Physical security | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Physical Fitness | |||||| | 30% | | Histrionic | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Paranoia | |||||||||||||||||||| | 83% | | Vanity | |||||||||||||||||||| | 83% | | Hypersensitivity | |||||||||||||||||||| | 83% | | Female cliche | |||||||||| | 36% | |
| Take Free Advanced Global Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.comStability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Orderliness results were very low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment. Extraversion results were low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive. trait snapshot: messy, depressed, introverted, feels invisible, does not make friends easily, nihilistic, reveals little about self, fragile, dark, bizarre, feels undesirable, dislikes leadership, reclusive, weird, irritable, frequently second guesses self, unassertive, unsympathetic, low self control, observer, worrying, phobic, suspicious, unproductive, avoidant, negative, bad at saving money, emotionally sensitive, does not like to stand out, dislikes large parties, submissive, daydreamer
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| 13 things |
[23 May 2005|08:20am] |
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mood |
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energetic |
] |
THIRTEEN THINGS YOU LOVE:
1.nancy
2.kobe
3.food
4.candy
5.tatoos
6.family
7.music
8.art
9.my A D D
10.sleeping
11.my turtel
12.black n white pictures
13.the sounds of birds in the morning
TWELVE MOVIES: (not in any order)
1.scar face
2.king kong (the orignal)
3.lost in translation
4.wizard of oz
5.labryinth
6.neverending story
7.the virgin suicides
8.the dark crystal
9.the boy who could fly
10.flight of the navigator
11.bar fly
12.tommy
ELEVEN GOOD BANDS/singers: (currently listening to)
1.the spiral stair case
2.syd barret
3.jhon lennon
4.velvet underground
5.? and the mysterians
6.motor head
7.MC chris
8.david bowie
9.the rolling stones
10.frank sinatra
11.cold play
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOU:
1.i'm tickelish
2.green eyes
3.i'm a libra
4.i walk like a duck
5.i miss being a recless teenager
6.i love rap music
7.space out
8.i wear glasses
9.i have a cat
10.dreams of arizona
NINE GOOD FRIENDS: (no particular order)
1.nancy
2. ........
3. ........
4. ......
5. ......
6. .....
7. ...
8. ....
9. .....
EIGHT FAVORITE FOODS/DRINKS:
1.cranberry juice
2.green tea
3.root beer
4.pizza!!!
5.wheat thins
6.buritos
7.milk shakes
8.ice cream sandwiches
SEVEN THINGS YOU WEAR DAILY:
1.my tatoos
2.my blue jeans
3....
4. ...
5. .
6. ..
7. ...
SIX THINGS THAT YOU HATE:
1.body hair
2.the beach
3.jugemental ppl
4.lies
5.car crashes
6.fighting
FIVE THINGS YOU DO DAILY:
1.listen to music
2.smoke
3.sleep
4.talk on the phone
5.think
FOUR TELEVISION SHOWS YOU WATCH:
1.family guy
2.24
3.ed edd n eddy
4.one life to live
THREE THINGS YOU WANT:
1.more tats
2.a job
3.to raise my own family
TWO THINGS YOU SAY OFTEN:
1. i duno man i duno
2. oh yeah?
ONE PERSON YOU COULD SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH:
1. .....
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| sadness,tears,confusion |
[13 May 2005|12:09am] |
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mood |
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sad/hurt |
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the nite shouldnt have happend the way it did
there should have ben lafter,danceing,singing along to MC Chris
and seeing,hugging and kissing girl
but no.
it started off fine my friends and I were all pumped up to see MC Cris
and me extra excited to see my g/f
we get to the show i see girl i get all happy i sit next to her put my arms around her
friend tells me "oh you can stay here i'll go get a ticket for you".
i'm sitting there holding my g/f giveing her lots of kisses( i was very happy to see girl i missed her alot).
time gose by and my friends still havent returnd so i call up there cell...
turns out the show is sold out and my friends snuck in and they didnt even tell me.
prety bumbed thinking i wont get to see the show....girl trys to help me find away to sneek in we tryed n tryed but no luck..( i was prety bumbed out i wasnt gona see the show and pissed off at my friends for not comeing to get me when they were gona sneak in).
next thing i know girl is getting mad and i'm being called a fucking jerk(all of that hurt me prety bad)
then girl walks off...i'm left confused hurt and sad....friends having good time.......i go around the cornner sit n the dark and start to tear up.
after awhile i start walking around and sat down with a homelss person wearing a red sweater.
me and the homeless person start talking for awhile we talked about god.....he tell me he loves me and i tell him thank you..you seem to be the only person that dose rite now....and i give him all my smokes.
friends final come out giveing off hint that there mad cuz i made them miss mc chris....i remain quiet and now i'm hear tearing up....i wasnt trying to be a jerk..you hurt me ya know....
i'm just gona sleep for the next few days....no one wants me around any ways
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| I dont even know and my friday nite |
[30 Apr 2005|03:24am] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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the choises i made and my actions thursday nite to friday morning were completly idiotic and i wish i could go back n change it all
my friday nite:
well during the day on friday i wasnt feeling like my self i was in a worried/depresd mood so i desided i wasnt gona do anything that nite...i wasnt even gona talk to any one at all i unpluged my phone took 2 supper pills from mexico turnd on my red light turnd on syd barret and went to sleep
i now have woken up at 3:00 in the morning saterday
i see i have missed some important calls...and i'm sorry i missed them i was prety mutch dead....i love pills from mexico
i miss ya babe i hope i get to see you soon
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| update superfast |
[25 Apr 2005|01:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
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my neck hurts grrr |
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FRIDAY:
pick up girl
hungies
nikki
mall
girls in sunglasses
pizza
old man
nikkie's mom
jack n box
cops flashing lights into car
driveing around to find a place to park with girl naked in car
SATER DAY:
danny and deane
gastation
pulling mucel in neck n blowing it out
kyle
umfinished motor head tattoo
pills from mexico
sleepy sleepy
SUNDY:
wake up
nancy
snuggel time with nancy
spider
scared nancy
i have 7 tatoos now yup and my g/f is very cool for comeing over cuz i couldnt go there cuz of neck....me miss her already
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| update/weekend with girl |
[17 Apr 2005|02:21am] |
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mood |
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peaceful |
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music |
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syd barret |
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so this weekend has ben prety fun
FRIDAY:
picked up nancy in the morning time
went to post office,went to subway "mmm yummy",then went to store bought brownies, brownie mix,and DOUBLE vanila ice cream
went my house laid around my bed for a while played video game she kicked my ass a lot at mortal kombat
moma came home with dinner
after dinner we went to an art show in riverside with Nancy's art professor, who had a prety cool piece on display...her art professor is prety groovie and sexy
after art show went back home and had ice cream n brownies
then we played more video games and went to bed
SATERDAY:
woke up in the after noon some time laid arond my bed for a while
around 4 or something we got showerd n ready for Broken Bones
i wore my tight black pants that i havent worn in a while i have gained some wieight so the kinda hurt..oh well nancy dosent like em any ways...
we stoped n got dell taco before we went to the show..."I LOVE DEL TACO"
we get to the show and let me tell you..i havent ben to a big banging show in quite some time i for got how many stupid ppl there are
at the show we went in to check out the lab rats and then we were stuck in there until the 3rd band was done playing and they sucked n took forever.....also at the show we got a "hey theres skot and nancy and some weird look....alot of ppl came up n were like "whoa i havent seen you in years,blank stares,and of course dirty looks from the shit talkers who thinks they know me n all.......i saw some old friends that i was happy to see but there was alot of gross anoying ppl there and it was to overwhelming so we left early and hung out with some friends of mine
and now i'm back at home with nancy on my lap and my leg is falling asleep so i'm gona end this here...i gota take her home today which is sunday "gayness"
oh yeah nancy what are you going to do with the towel?......??
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